I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
