i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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