I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
