I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He did a backflip because drugs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
