sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
