i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My dick has a subreddit
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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