haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
