I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
