The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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