You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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