Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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