the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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