how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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