Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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