oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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