were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize