Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
