you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
