Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
