apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
