Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
