READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
