we have pet lesbian snakes
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
