i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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