So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
