new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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