I cannot find my penis.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
