why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
