Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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