I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
