I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
