I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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