Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I will pee on everything he values.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
