p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
