another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
