All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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