every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
