Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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