You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
