Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
