Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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