That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
