Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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