okay pat passed out under dana's car
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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