Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
MIDGETS
????
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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