So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
