haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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