so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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