hotel room ftw
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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