She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
