Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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