I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
