hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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