Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
