I'm eating all of the evidence.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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