Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize