Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
