it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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