Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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