When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
false alarm, still single
Randomize
