I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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