Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
