hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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