Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
