I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
