TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
