do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm bleeding and have questions
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
