Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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