New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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